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I first fell in love with my mirror when I was three and Aunt Emeline
gifted
me with my first little hand wonder. I gazed into its shiny reflected
depths
and saw sparkling eyes and a rosebud mouth. No matter which angle I
looked,
I saw nothing but perfection. This was important, because at three, I
already had a bad self image problem. Ugliness, I heard, lurked in
closets
and under beds, waiting for the right dark moment to come creeping and
crawling across my features. Upon waking every morning, I felt the
stale
weight of ugliness coiling within my skin and bones, never to leave
again.
The miracle of the mirror was that nothing like that ever showed. I saw
what
I wanted to see, and that eased my pain and agony.
I was five when they discovered that the best way to stop me from
tearing my
skin and pulling out my hair was putting a shiny mirror before my eyes.
Mama
ordered the housekeeper to coat my bedroom walls with mirrors from
floor to
roof. My bedroom door was locked and I was not allowed to leave the
room at
all unless accompanied by a range of courtiers armed with mirrors.
I grew up this way, always watching in the mirror as my golden hair
grew
long and full and my rosy face matured and perfected its heartshaped
curves.
My eyes deepened in color and became as blue as the skies. My smile
became
as bright as a string of stars. I grew taller than anyone else in my
family
and they said I rivaled Queen Selene herself in beauty. I smiled when I
heard this, knowing the ailing queen to be no rival of mine. I was
fifteen
when she died. The courtiers whispered behind my mirrors about who King
Henry would choose at his new consort. I could barely keep from
laughing at
them. Looking into the mirrors guarding me at every side, I knew very
well
who would be the next queen. Henry told my papa he'd visit, just as
soon as
mourning was over. They never mentioned me, I don't think. Something
tells
me Henry didn't even know I existed. I remained in my bedroom the other
times he and Selene visited, but this time would be different.
Three months passed before I heard the trumpets echoing outside. The
glorious sound of the royal carriage decorated with bells and chased by
the
king's hounds was unmistakable. The courtiers dressed me in my best and
declared I looked like an angel. I beamed at the mirrors they held up
on
either side and behind me. I knew full well the courtiers were not
lying. I
was fair glowing with beauty. We paraded downstairs and assumed our
positions in the hall, awaiting the king. I stood behind my parents. My
courtiers dutifully surrounded me, holding up the mirrors to my sides.
In my
hand I held a mirrored fan. I raised it before my eyes, as was my
habit. I
heard King Henry's greetings to my father, followed by a silence. I
knew I
was being looked at. I held back a smile as I lowered my fan. Let him
look.
That next instant, I saw an infant held in the arms of her nurse who
lingered behind the king. A tuft of black hair already covered the tiny
head
and a look of genuine peace exuded from her sleeping face. My hand
tightened
on the fan and I raised it once more. That ugliness which I managed to
push
aside all my life had crept back up, pinching at my nerves - laughing
at me.
I looked at the mirror. "It is the same face," I told myself. The same
beautiful countenance I'd gazed at all these years was reflected in
each of
the mirrors. But the pain wouldn't go away. Just that one glance at
that
baby reminded me that beauty is skin deep for some. That ugliness which
rooted deep under my skin remained as it always did, chewing away at
me.
Someday it would eat away all that remained of my beauty and my worst
nightmare would be realized. Someday, even my mirror would show me what
I
really looked like.
"You should wear a mask."
The stunning announcement shook me out of the miserable reverie in
which I
had fallen. I looked at King Henry in amazement. Could he see through
me?
Could he really see that part of me which even my mirrors didn't yet
know
about?
"Such miraculous beauty has caused wars time and again." He smiled at
me and
bowed on a knee. "Let all of the kingdom rejoice for I have found a
woman
worthy to become its new queen."
I knew this would happen, but at this moment my anticipated joy was
shaken
at its foundations. I turned my head and looked once more at that
child.
Again, I saw peace and tranquility flowing from every pore. She smiled
in
her sleep - something I never did. Perhaps that was why the ugliness
conquered me so easily.
"Isobel," said King Henry standing up. "You look upon my child, Snow
White."
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