SCHOOL CALL NUMBER ELEVEN

by Paul Lewellan

Overheard in the English Department workroom of a Midwestern high school.


Tuesday, September 26th. 10:15 a.m. (2nd Period).



“Hello. This is Ms. Hollings at Nixon High. Is this Rod’s mother?”

[pause]

“You’d prefer Mrs. Holtz? Certainly. Mr. Brill, the Associate Principal, asked me to call you concerning the vandalism Rod committed in my classroom last week . . . .”

[pause]

“Well, Mr. Brill felt it would be good to dialogue prior to our parent/teacher conference.”

[pause]

“No, I’m certainly not blaming you for being in Lisbon when we hosted Open House. Let’s focus on the current situation.”

[pause]

“Of course I wrote up the incident. Rod gave me no choice. There was a lot of damage.”

[pause]

“Yes, he shared the fact with me that he was under-stimulated. I admit the class was watching the Leonardo DiCaprio version of Romeo and Juliet at the time the vandalism occurred.”

[pause]

“I’m not sure I’d use the word ‘poser’ to describe Mr. DiCaprio. He’s quite an accomplished actor and . . . .”

[pause]

“Boredom is still no excuse for vandalism.”

[pause]

“What else you could call it but vandalism? He picked all the paint and plaster off of a three foot square section of the wall. He made a hole . . . .”

[pause]

“You’d need to see the hole. It’s not as small as Rod has led you to believe.”

[pause]

“The room was dark. It’s a loud soundtrack and . . . .”

[pause]

“I had more than a suspicion he did it. Rod told me he did it.”

[pause]

“It’s not as simple as repainting the wall. There’s the problem with the hole and the plastering.”

[pause]

“I know that. On the discipline slip I wrote that he’d offered to repaint the wall, but the school maintenance staff does all refinishing . . . .”

[pause]

“I had no idea he did dry wall with his father. And I’m sure Rod does good work. Look, Mrs. Holtz, we’re getting away from the issue at hand.”

[pause]

“No, the relevance of Shakespeare is not the issue. I was referring to Rod’s poor anger management.”

[pause]

“We talked about this last year.”

[pause]

“That was no excuse for Rod calling me his ‘English class bitch’.”

[pause]

“That’s what Rod said. Those aren’t my words. I’m just quoting him.”

[pause]

“I see.”

[pause]

“Well, I’m sure your lawyer will provide meaningful insight. I’ll look forward to talking to . . . .”

[pause]

“Mrs. Holtz?”

BIO: Paul Lewellan is adjunct faculty at Augustana College in Rock Island, Illinois. Paul has published short stories in South Dakota Review, Rose and Thorn, Big Muddy, Porcupine, and others. He has just finished a novel, No More White Houses, about the clash between white privilege and race on a college campus. It’s a comedy.