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I used to think if I simply lay down in the sand and let the waves rush over my body, I’d become a fish, sprouting fins instead of arms, a scaly tail instead of legs. As the water sucked back into the sea, I’d go with it, rolling with the momentum of the water, fighting the churning waves and rip tides until I reached the open ocean where I could swim and swim without ever having to come up for air.
I say used to because I think I’m ready to give up the dream.
After my twenty-seventh try in two years, my only transformation came in the form of a giant sand butt in my bikini bottoms.
As I returned the junk in my trunk to the beach (after my last and final Fish Try, number twenty-seven), a dolphin arced in the water twenty feet off shore, taunting me for still having two legs and being earthbound. Oh, to be free, to swim through the water, to burst to the surface, to—
“Wiped out, did ya?” A black, dripping wet creature extended his arm to keep me from tipping as I readjusted my bathing suit. Whoa. Sea lions could talk? I never knew…
“Where’s your board?” it asked.
Oddly, it had flesh-colored skin. Like, people flesh.
Oh… not a sea lion. A surfer in a wetsuit. A cute one, at that.
“Board?” I asked. “Uh-uh. Body surfing.”
“Crazy girl! You’ll get grinded out there. I’m Lee.” He held out his hand for me to shake. A hand? I’d much rather flap fins…
“Lilly,” I answered and extended my hand anyway.
“You surf?”
“On a board? No.”
“Ever tried?”
I really needed this guy to go away. After watching the dolphin, I’d slipped off the recovery boat. My next Fish Try had to happen. Maybe twenty-eight would be the magic number, the one where my tanned skin would turn bluish green and grow scales, when my sandy hair would suck into my scalp.
I nodded and looked into his eyes. “Yeah, I tried surfing once. The board hit me in the head and knocked me out. I nearly drowned.”
“Whoa. Not good. Someone saved you, huh?”
“A fish.”
His face scrunched. “What?”
Of course he didn’t get it. Mere mortals never understood my fish tales.
“Nothing.” I glanced from his face to the board in his hand. “So, you offering to teach me?”
“Hell yeah! Why not?”
Why not, indeed? My gaze drifted from his green eyes to the surf breaking and rolling, foaming as it crawled along the sand, leaving little bubbling holes as it undulated back to where it came from. Maybe I could postpone my next Fish Try. After all, I had always wanted to learn to surf.
“Okay. Sure. It’s not like I have anything important to do.”
He grabbed my hand with his cold, wet, sandy one and dragged me into the water.
“Shouldn’t we start on shore first? Like, teaching me stance and stuff?”
He didn’t slow his pace. The spray splashed into my eyes as he pulled me through the surf. As the first set crashed down on us, he pushed me under. We came up on the other side laughing, the buoyant board bouncing up behind us.
He shook the water out of his eyes. “Nope. I’ve been watching you. You understand the water. You’ll do fine.”
“If you say so…”
The next set rolled in, and we dove under in total synchronicity, popping up after the surge had passed, swimming farther and farther until we were well beyond the break.
“If only I had gills I could swim forever…” I mused.
“What’d you say?”
“Nothing.”
I’d hoped the water in his ears would have drowned out my words. No such luck. He settled the board in the water and rested his arms on the rails. I did the same across from him. We bobbed with the ebb and flow of the ocean.
“Tell me, do you ever wish you were a fish?” he asked.
I sucked in a lungful of water, and immediately went into a coughing spasm. “What kind of weird comment is that?”
He smiled. “Nothing. Just curious. Hey. Here comes a good one. Ready?”
“What do I do?”
He positioned me on the board, arms hanging over the side, legs kicking to pace the wave. “Let your instincts lead you.” He swam along with me as the momentum carried the board, fast, smooth, gliding across the biceps of Neptune. My feet found the deck and I stood. So there, Mr. Dolphin! I thought as I skimmed the surface of the mighty wave. You can’t mock me now!
And with that, I went down. Sucked under, the world spinning. Which was up? Which was down? I opened my eyes in the swirl of madness and salt and saw a flickering tail. Mine. Attached where my legs once were. A face appeared before me. The face of two years ago. My fish friend who’d saved me, who’d given me the insatiable desire to be like him. He held my gaze and laughed, sending bubbles through his gills.
Just as he did two years prior, he pulled me to the surface, and as we broke out into the fresh salt air, his fish face transformed. My surfer, with a smile and wink, pulled me under again, dragging me deeper and deeper toward the sand at the bottom. I started to struggle, to kick to the surface, but in his eyes I saw the truth. Relaxing my body, I took a deep, welcoming, watery breath… and lived.
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