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"Too cold," said Tanz immediately, as she sat down. Al narrowed his eyes at her. Tanz’s split-second condemnations of things had resulted in some serious rifts in their friendship over the years, and he wasn’t quite comfortable enough with her, after the last one, to let her sink right back into the space she left, as though she had never left it.
"It’s almost winter," he said, "that’s why. What do you expect it to be, if not cold? And you’re the one who wanted to sit out here, anyway."
Tanz shivered dramatically and chattered her teeth together. "Yeah, I know. There’s a reason though, you know?"
"Well, it’s beyond me." She exhausted him. All this time apart and ten minutes into being together again, he felt himself slowing down. Pretty soon he’d be curling into a fetal position and waiting for the worst to pass. Or was that only what you did with attacking bears? Tanzania, he thought to himself sourly, ought to come with a wildlife guide herself. What To Do When Tanz Attacks.
She looked, he realized suddenly, uncomfortable. And this, in turn, made him uncomfortable. Tanz was never ill at ease; angry and upset and liable to shove people till they did what she wanted, yes, but not disquieted, not nervous as she was now. He sat up straighter, tucked his hands underneath his knees. The wooden bench was still sodden from the night’s dew and seeping insidiously into his trousers.
Tanz looked him over for a minute, and then gave the sudden bright smile that had enraptured him when they’d first met.
"You know, I’ve been thinking," she said.
"There’s a first."
"Shut up. I was thinking, that Al, he’s sure a one-of-a-kind man. And not just because he’s named Albuquerque, either. So’s the capital of New Mexico, you know? But he’s really special. He’s really something, that Al."
Al grunted. Flattery had no effect other than to make him suspicious— even more suspicious than he was. The girl he’d been on-and-off friends with over the years (and, almost but not quite, on-and-off lovers with) called him to meet her at the park where they had originally met, all that time ago, and now she was sitting here, complaining about the cold and buttering him up. Really something, that Al. Hah. Any minute now she was going to ask him for money, or a kidney, or something.
And, he thought determinedly, he would say no. Whatever she asked him, he was going to respond in the decided negative. It wasn’t worth it, getting involved with this woman.
"And after all," Tanz was going on, "how often is it that you get two people named Tanzania and Albuquerque together in the same room? I mean, it’s not very likely, is it?"
"Tanz," said Al.
"Just think, if we had kids, they’d probably end up with names like Dublin and Honduras,"
Tanz went on, a little skittishly.
"Tanz," said Al, and he leaned forward and took her hand for a moment, fixing her with his eyes so she slowed down. "Knock it off."
With her other hand she picked at the initials carved in the wooden top of the picnic bench. She dropped her eyes to what she was doing— L + H enclosed in a heart, and Mr. Todd Eats Slugs— and wouldn’t look at him again.
"I know we’ve had some hard times over the years," she said, and swallowed. "I guess— I haven’t been completely honest with you, some of the time. But I have to tell you, Al, for all the problems, the good’s outweighed the bad. I think. I wouldn’t change you for anything. You’ve always been there to come back to, and I hate to think that I missed out on— I mean, I really think we’d always regret— Al, I—"
"No," he said, and his voice was loud enough that the soft words emerging from her mouth, beginning with L, were lost in the shuffle. She went very still. "Whatever it is, Tanz, the answer is no. I don’t know what you’re going to ask me for, but I’m not willing to give it. You’re right, we’ve been through a lot. And there’s really only so much a guy can take. So the answer is no. I shouldn’t have come here in the first place. I should have—"
"Turned me down flat?" she prompted.
He deflated a little. He would never have done that, he knew; he’s incapable of doing such a thing. Not to Tanz. It didn’t cross his mind that he has in fact done this very thing, just this moment. It didn’t cross his mind that her question was anything very important; or that she would hesitate to ask again, if it was something that she really needed.
He sighed.
"You’re right. It’s cold. Let’s go."
"How about lunch?" she said, and now as she looked up finally her eyes were bright and starry and frigid-cold; the eyes he was used to, with Tanz. He gave her a quizzical look.
"It’s four thirty," he pointed out.
"So it’ll be a late lunch. Does it matter?"
He wanted to say Have you heard nothing I just said? but he knew it wouldn’t get through. So he just shrugged and said instead, "Fine by me. It’s getting windy, anyway. Looks like there’s a storm coming in."
They stood together and moved towards the parking lot, leaving the ghost of their conversation behind.
I love you.
I know it.
The wind picked up and blew the first few leaves down onto the wooden tabletop scarred with relationships.
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