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He liked to do it right in front of me.
My husband never disappeared all at once, but in little teasing dribs and drabs. Sometimes his right ear went, or his left elbow, or both kneecaps. And then overnight, his parts were all restored to visibility so that he could torment me over and over.
One day when we were having breakfast on the balcony of our second-floor apartment, chatting away like any average couple, his right hand vanished. His coffee cup floated up to his mouth and back down to the saucer. "Howard, you' re going to hurt yourself doing that," I said.
"I'm not doing it, Louise," he insisted. "It just happens."
"Does it happen at work? Do parts of you disappear in front of your co-workers?"
"You know we sit in privately enclosed cubicles, so no one would see it if it did happen."
"Well, you'd see it, wouldn't you? Does your hand ever become invisible when you're at the computer?"
He wrinkled his brow and picked up his toast with non-existent fingers. "When I'm working I don't really notice anything else, so I'm not sure if it happens."
Oh, he was good. We had been down this road before, and he never committed himself to visibility or invisibility. I said, "You're trying to Gaslight me, aren' t you - - drive me crazy so you can have me certified. Is it another woman?"
"Oh, Louise," he said, looking painfully misunderstood, which as any wife knows, is an act. "You know there's no one else." He reached out to me with his wrist stub as both his eyebrows went.
If there was another woman, I had to know. Every day for a week I parked my car near Howard' s office building at lunchtime. Finally, it happened: Howard came out with a female similar in age and build to me. But - - her nose was missing I followed them to a motel and just before they entered a room, the whole top of her head went.
Howard had found someone who shared his hobby. How could I compete with that?
I went home to confide in my neighbor and best friend. Marsha was sunning herself on her balcony, which was adjacent to ours. "Howard's having an affair," I told her.
She sat up so suddenly she almost toppled over the railing. "But Louise - - how do you know?"
"I just saw them together."
"What! Where?"
I reached across the double railing and took a sip of her gin and tonic. I said, "She does that thing that Howard likes - - you know, making parts disappear. What should I do, Marsha?"
She shrugged and went back to oiling herself. "What was that old saying - - whatever she's doing, do it better."
A light bulb clicked on. I was going to fight for my man.
For the next few weeks I practiced in every spare moment when Howard wasn' t home. I stood in front of the mirror, concentrating, willing my parts to vanish. It was slow going at first, and I started small - - my little finger, my left ankle, half my forehead. But once I started to get the hang of it, it became easier. After a month of hard work, my dream came true - - I was able to disappear completely. "This ought to beat anything his other woman can do," I told myself, watching my ears go, my chin, my breasts, the rest of me.
I was ready to surprise Howard. When I heard his key in the lock, I was invisible. "Louise?" he called, coming in and putting his briefcase down. He went through the apartment calling, " Louise? Are you home? She must be shopping," he added to himself.
When he came into the bedroom, he began taking off his shirt and pants. That's when I reached out and touched him.
His face lit up as he groped toward me. I knew my disappearance was a success until he said with a leer, "Why, Marsha, you little minx, you climbed over the balcony again!"
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