The Blog of JENNIFER DAWSON
	JENN'S BLOG: My new blog is on LiveJournal. I'll leave the below "blogs" posted for posterity's sake. February 9, 2008: Alot of things on my mind tonight. It all started by looking up some old OWWers and looking at one members blog. I started wondering if I blog enough, if my blogging thoughts matter, and if being so interested in someone else's blogs is healthy:) I also followed a link to an agent's blog, and boy did that open up a can of worms. Apparently, it's not a bad idea to send another query on a ms that's been declined, if it's changed enough or if the query package is significantly better. Geez. That should make me happy, but it actually makes me a bit sick. As I wait for Baen to decline my ms, and the months tick by, I wonder who to send it to next. The idea of resending it to an agent makes me queazy. What if they remember it, hate it again, and flush me. Yes, I know I'm being pessimistic. I tend to be. Plan for the worst, hope for the best. Where did my hope go? Anyways, then I got to reading some other things and wondering why I haven't been writing. Oh, I know why. I've been working on alot of editing. OWW and Critters. RFDR. Trying to help others. But the real issue is that I'm doing all this other stuff to put off all the writing I could be doing. Why? I'm not sure, and it bothers me. I'd love to ask for "thoughts?" but this isn't one of those blogs, and I wonder why I don't have one of those blogs. Well, I do. Why don't I use it? Not sure. Maybe I'll procrastinate some more and go do that:D Another problem I'm having right now. I just got a stellar review today. Not on Breaking the Fear, though. On a new chapter of a new book I just started one night when I couldn't sleep. The problem is I only wrote that one chapter, trying to put my character Nacie in the fine (oh, so very fine) hands of Raz. Yes, my LARP character and my husband's LARP character. No idea what I'm talking about? Click here. It's a story that needed telling, and I have a whole book planned out in my head. Of course, the big issue is how to write a book involving your LARP character without using any of the copyrighted LARP things, involving other characters whose permission you don't have (yes, I suppose I could ask), and not having the readers know it all started with a LARP. So I did the solo chapter and stopped writing. Now it's getting stellar reviews, one of which says: "I think this has a lot of potential and could make a fine novel (assuming the rest is as good as this chapter)-- to be honest I liked it more than most of the chapters I've read of "Breaking the Fear"." Oh, bestill my heart. Breaking the Fear goes down in flames by my innocent little Battle Healer. That little MWE. She killed my dreams in one swell foop! It makes me wonder if BTF has any hope, despite the positive feedback on OWW. Should FTB be a stand-aloner? Oh what then do I do with the rest of the damned story. It's three books because it needs three books to get to everything. I'm dying of a broken heart even while I smile at my little Battle Healer's victory. January 20, 2008: I've been having a rough few days. Not sure why, exactly. I've woken up every morning feeling like I didn't get an ounce of sleep and with a pounding headache. Makes it hard to read, edit, review, or write. Which means other than worrying about the stuff I have to do, I haven't done much of anything. Add to that some growing concerns, and I'm pretty on edge. Someone made me feel like shit today for asking a simple question. So much so that I'm dropping out of that discussion group. I've been a member for years, but the group's been pretty useless. No on posts, and when people ask questions, no one offers much help. Today I got fed up when a person asked a valid question and was basically told to go Google the answers and find some books about it. How is that helpful? Well, I basically got told that asking questions makes me unintelligent and that they were too busy running their businesses to deal with people like me. I'm not a stupid twenty-two year old girl with no last name. I don't like to be treated like one just because I ask some questions. I prefer to deal with adults. Anyways, that's part of why I'm in such a pissy mood right now. Mostly it's because I'm exhausted and have a pounding headache. I did come away with a few concerns, though. What DO you have to do to be taken seriously in this business, anyways? Obviously being a published author with a successful magazine that's been running for five years isn't enough. Maybe I have to be a bitch. If that's the case, I quit. I refuse to be a stuck-up snob just to get a little respect. I don't expect to be famous, but I don't deserve to be shooed away like a pesky fly. Did you know in 2004 I applied to be Mr. David G. Hartwell's assistant at Tor Books? He felt I was overqualified and said, "I am grateful and even a bit flattered that you would apply." Whenever someone makes me feel beneath their notice, I remember that and that I'm not a twenty-two year old cocktail waitress. (See the movie You've Got Mail" to completely understand the reference.) I feel a little better now. A little. But I still have questions with no answers and a headache. Is it bedtime yet? January 4, 2008: Today was a weird day and I'm left kind of dazed. Besides the inevitable unpacking after a long vacation, there were Christmas presents to take out of boxes (gotta love those twisty ties that hold toys to the cardboard, eh?), laundry, and a stack of mail to go through. Well, one piece of mail threw me for a loop. I've been out of contact with my ex since June due to some legal issues so major and complex we aren't allowed to communicate. So imagine my shock to hear his mother, 52 years old, died last September. My ex's grandmother sent our daughter a Christmas card with the news. Not only that, but her husband just died in November, too. This poor woman has dealt with so much over the years and now she'll all alone. She's an amazingly wonderful woman, the only member of my ex-in-laws I actually love. So despite the legal red tape, I called her for details and to give my condolences. And all she asked for was some pictures of my new family. I was touched, and shamed that I haven't called her in so long. To add to my confused-ed-ness, my lawyer sent me a letter stating that my ex's lawyer has a package of presents for our daughter at his office for me to pick up. I'm ambivalent. Should I be touched that he worked out a suitable arrangement for the delivery of such gifts, or is it him trying to pretend he's the doting father? So much to think on for one day... December 29, 2007: Grumble, grumble. Two rejection letters came in this week. Happy Holidays to me! That's exactly why I don't send rejection letters out at FMM between Christmas and New Years. Nobody wants bad news this time of year. It's probably enough to push suicidal people over the edge. :D Anyways, one was denied as a reprint because the original is still archived. No offense, but who's going to see it? EOTU magazine is dead, has been for years. So now I can only cross my fingers that my email reaches the old editor and he can remove it from the archives. If not, what can I do?? The other was rejected due to an influx of fantasy subs. Grrr arg. How come FMM can't get an influx of fantasy subs? I'd love an influx. Influx good. Fantasy good. Me likey fantasy:) Yes, I'm in a feisty, zany mood today. I've been at my inlaws house for the last week and have another week to go. Enjoying it, actually. Only nit is that I have MUCH less computer time here. I hate remaining in reality for more than a few hours at a time. Miss my digital world with my digital friends:) December 7, 2007: Do you have any idea how hard it is to get just ONE good picture with three kids (one of them an infant) AND a dog? OMG! I must have taken 30 shots and if the baby looked happy, the older boy had a dopey grin. If the dog is looking at the camera, the kids aren't. Managed to get a few decent ones, but it was harder to choose one than I thought. December 3, 2007: I have ups and I have lows... most people do. My ups over the last few months have been incredible, though. My baby boy is leaping ahead at an incredible speed. One minute, just about a month ago, he was trying to crawl. He started crawling November 2nd. A week later he was pulling himself up to his knees. Two days after that, up on his feet. The next day, he's cruising the furniture. It's just astounding. I've never been so overwhelmed. Baby proofing went into hyperdrive. Now he' starting to talk. It just blows my mind. Then I had an epiphany regarding my writing and in one night I rethought all three of my Legacy books. Made major changes to book 1, finished book 2 and moved alot of stuff to book 3. I'm torn between finishing all three books up and beginning on my new stand-alone prequel. We'll have to see where the characters take me. But I've done more writing, more connecting the dots, in the last month than I had in years. It was amazing. I have two publications coming out next year, and a third still in rotation. The rest I'm giving up on for now. I seem to be spinning my wheels on some that I had high hopes for, but maybe it's time to let them lie. I haven't written a new short story in years. Maybe I should do that, too. That's just some of the highs. The lows are less describable. Baby boy is also not sleeping at night again, and hubby has been on his midnight shift. No sleep for mommy. And now I'm sick with a painful cough that just won't go. And it's Christmas time again and once again it seems like the bills are larger and there's no money to be had for gifts. I know Christmas isn't about gifts. But I admit it - Christmas, to me, has always been about the shopping. I love to shop and for eleven months out of the year I contain my urges. This time of year, though, it's so very hard. I want to spoil my kids. I want to surprise my husband. I want to give little gifts to friends and see them smile. It's a high. And not being able to is a definite low. When we moved to Illinois in '06, we made sure I wouldn't have to work because we wanted to have a baby. We did and things were fine until this past summer. And now I know how smart I was to plan so hard so that I wouldn't have to work. Because now, with money being tight, I need to work and it's impossible to. I remember daycare expenses with my daughter. But paying for childcare for two kids? I can't find a job that pays well enough to afford the daycare. Crazy, isn't it? I should be happy. I love being home with my kids. I love being here for them, with them. But it also feels so lazy, you know? I write. I run the magazine. I clean and raise my kids. I don't cook - I admit that. I've always hated it and hubby does it so much better. And willingly. He says I do enough, but it doesn't feel like it. And it's lonely. I hate when he goes to work. I hate when my daughter goes to school. I can go for days without leaving the house, without seeing anyone but my kids. When I do leave the house, I run errands. I have only one friend here and I'm not good at that, either. We used to see a movie once a month or so. We got pedicures once. I give her hand-me-down baby clothes because she just had a boy, too. But I can't call her when I'm bored. I call my mom or my sister, and I know my sister is sick of me:) She's probably wondering why she picked me as her matron of honor. Matron - yuck. That's another thing. I turned thirty this year and feel so very old. So when I'm feeling low, I can collect my list: I feel old, lazy, lonely and tired. Oh, and broke. Don't forget that one. The lows add up and taunt me. But everyone has those ups and downs. The trick is to remember the highs when you're feeling low. The trick is to imagine how high the highs can go. Selling a book or three? That's high. Paying off all my bills. That's the biggest high. That'd be magic. Spending the rest of my life with my husband? Incredibly high. Seeing my kids grow up. Three big highs. I can see it all, and it helps. Oh, how it helps. October 22, 2007: Not too much has happened recently, but I've accummulated more injuries in the last few months than I can imagine. My right knee has always bothered me, but since the move to a two-story house, the steps aggrevated that knee - and the other knee. The doctor put me on crutches and physical therapy. Injured my right elbow in the move, and it's started acting up again now that I'm writing again. And today I pulled a muscle in my leg. Keep this up and they'll have to transfer my brain into a new body:) Other than that, I've been working on a new project (I know, I need to finish the old ones, first) to turn one of my trilogies into a stand-alone novel. It's causing heavy casualties - I mean edits - but it's been fun. October 1, 2007: Well, I heard back on four more of my stories. Two rejections with the typical "thanks but no thanks" replies, but two acceptances. One, "New Philadelphia" was accepted at Flashshot. I wrote that one on my friend Cal's advice for a Drabbler contest about alien brothels. Chopped it down to 100 words and it was accepted. The other, "Not Quite As It Seems" is a favorite of mine about a new witch who faces a final test. It's been accepted for the July 2008 issue of Beyond Centauri. It's a 2300 word story I was originally submitting to regular fantasy markets but just realized that it's probably better geared towards young adults. Apparently, I was right! I've started a new project - a children's book called Baby Boy. I wrote it one day while watching Elijah roll around, and I just need to get the pictures done and organize it. I'll try getting it published, but if that doesn't work I'll get it bound for Elijah as a gift. In other news, the military moved us into a brand new, two-story, four-bedroom, two and a half bath, two-car garage home. We're almot done unpacking and we're having a housewarming party on the 14th. Looking forward to it. Will get some pictures of the new house online soon. That's it for now... July 10, 2007: After a big kick in the behind by my wonderful husband, I have submitted my book Finding the Balance to Baen. Won't hear back for 9-12 months. I also went through my finished short stories and submitted several of them to various magazines. I received the first denial already, but the rejection letter was nice. The editor said: I enjoyed the setting, but this tale was too sweet for my taste. I can handle "too sweet", though that may stop the story from ever getting published. I realized as I went through those old stories that most of them could (and perhaps should) be geared towards young adults. Maybe I should rethink a few things... April 26, 2007: I finally updated the photo album on this website. Being on bed rest has its perks. I have my next OB appt tomorrow, and hopefully I'll be taken off bed rest until this baby comes. I've been in and out of the hospital with premature labor for the last six weeks and time has come to a stand-still as we count down the weeks til baby is due. Hopefully he'll come early. Everything is ready for his arriival... Meanwhile I have started work again on Breaking the Fear after finishing up the April issue of FMM. Not much else is new. April 18, 2007: I've been updating this website and realized that other than a reprint of my story "The Scout" in an anthology, I didn't have anything published in 2006. I'll have to make sure something gets published this year... right now I'm anxiously awaiting the birth of our son, Elijah Dean Dawson, who is due May 19th. I don't expect to get much done before then... or immediately after. I've been busy with the magazine and other projects over the last six months, but haven't done much writing. Hope to change that in the near future. November 6th, 2006: Well, it's been a hard month for me. I had a viral infection that settled into my muscles (according to the neurologist) which kept me practically bed-ridden for more than a month. I was a month pregnant when that started, and the doctos kept telling me I was just having a rough pregnancy. By the time I saw the neurologist, I was almost better, but at least he had a logical answer for the problem. Now that I'm over that, I can enjoy being pregnant. Meanwhile, all of my projects came to a screeching halt. I'm just now picking up where I left off... August 29th, 2006: Well, I'm finally settled in IL, the house is almost completely put together - enough that we're letting family come visit:) We got a puppy - a three and a half month old Austrailan Shepherd/Lab mix named Fancy that we got from the Humane Society. We got Bree into third grade and Dom into preschool. So now I'm figuring out this whole stay-at-home mom thing while also making the stay-at-home writer/editor work, too. Oh, and trying to get some sleep in the process, which in't easy. My hubby started his new job, which has weird hours. I don't sleep well when he works nights, so I usually fall asleep watching TV around two in the morning, only to get up at 6:30am to get the kids fed and ready for school. The new house is a four bedroom ranch, with a shaded backyard, lots of storage, and *my own office!* I have it set up with everything I could possibly need - except a kitchen and a bathroom. Makes writing much more relaxing. Haven't done any of that writing yet, though. I revised the prologue to The Corodoio, decided I need to cut the prologue to The Heirs, and need to rename The Corodoio so people will stop mentioning that they can't say it. I'm also determined to finish "Becoming Moonlight" though I have no idea how to make it work. But mostly I've been getting myself back into OWW, returning some long-overdue reviews. It's been fun! June 17th, 2006: Today is my wedding day!! I don't anticipate writing anything anytime soon, but in July we're moving to Scott AFB, IL and I will be staying home to write full-time. So we shall see what comes of that!
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